I Will Always Wonder

Abandoned, Discarded, Sold!
The child; like trash, on the side of the road.
Like a disease no one wants to discuss
Mother couldn’t want me,
It was Grandpa’s alcoholic pride, his lust.
In this way he punished her; Did he know, (No!) what he did to me?
His words, as his mind, just a slur.

Abandoned, Discarded, Sold with Caprice
The purchasers of this infant, you see,
Still carryed their own unfinished business. They had their own, with loss; at great cost,
Taking a child, who for his lifetime,
They will chide and abuse.
For her own emotional needs he will be used.

There was for me no heart.
Without a parent’s heart where does an infant go?

I will always wonder, Why
Did I deserve to be the other
A second choice, only second best or less.
A consolation for the death, the child, that the mother called, “mine”. With this familial lower class status
Adoptees are expected to be fine
Of the Adopters, the Slave Masters, one wonders, “Are they blind?”
To the reality of the Adoptee
To the mythology they call their family.
A Life-World where that which Is, just isn’t.
That which doesn’t exist, Is the foundation of the Adopter’s reality.

The Adoptee is always alone.
Never better than the worst that came from that woman’s womb.
Treated as an indentured child
Compared to the natural-born, the Adoptee is wild. . .
Believed with no foundation of facts.
Adopter’s attitude sorely lacks.
The Truth pales to the fiction they were taught .
In Truth, and for Truth, the Adoptee for a lifetime has fought.

In the end. When the older generation is dead.
The Adoptee remains
Abandoned, Discarded, Sold
Wondering, Why,
Did he deserve to be the other. With a “mother” so cold.

_________

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Is There Nothing More?

Dinner is on the wall Children crying, infant screaming Fear freezes her when he calls Between them there is silence peeling Its the way they only know Its how love they struggle to show He knows nothing more She can’t bear the blood and sores She understands she must flea But how else can she Be? _______________ Copyright © 2020 HeardWords America

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Don't leave me here! Don't you leave me here this way! What will all my friends say? Who was it that carried me on the bier? Well, will you pray for me? Or can't you wait to see another man, if only you can? Life with you was never, the kind I wanted. You called me "friend" That was after you put an end to our coupling. That was after you had my ring cut off your finger. I can hear you singing after that. You had your own definition for being a swinger. A woman, free and unattached. Since then we've never been intimate. No matter the many times I had to wait. You would love me Only by cleaning and laundrying for me. Still you'd never give me a bath. We had a life together you never let last. Don't leave me here! Don't you leave me here this way! What will all my friends say? "She buried him, with his love for her. She's not so demur." _________ copyright ©️ 2023 SDKilmer, LLC All Rights Reserved www SDKi

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Once my life was as bright as the golden sun. During those days, I thought you and I were one. You made me very blue when you told me to leave you. Eventually I became use to it. Until years later, I thought I might have a chance. We became good friends, again. Better than before. I just couldn't leap over your new boundaries that kept us as only friends, nothing more. You possessed a strange manner In relation to your "ex's". Remaining friends with them with whom you arrived at an end? What man can have a former lover as a friend? Suddenly they were wandering around. Fixing things or seeking to be fixed! How does an "ex" trust another "ex"? What man can have a former lover as a friend? That night I must have glowed as light green was my apprehension, fear and terror to loss of you whom apparently were not mine to possess. Turning deep green, my jealousy & envy; that ran blood red in my annoyance unto rage. Days gone past when Deep

S. D. Kilmer's Existential Life

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