Never Will I Carry Your Frown

The Black woman upstairs.

She lives like no one else is there.

But tell her you live below,

She looses control

And finds her Self an attitude,

Never living in a sane allitude.

White boy explodes in the Oklahoma  blues.

Feeling he'd been betrayed.

He was a disordered mcveigh.

Spread his explosive hatred in a few tubes.

Most days I feel far removed.

Can't think of anyone who will soothe

Me of these feelings, being

Who I say I am, today.

I had the depth of intelligence.

I had breadth of the Spirit.

I knew what I had experienced.

I would never let me down.

Will never carry your frown.

My school mates treated me,

With indifference or hate.

But it's time they got real.

To the image they had, I don't relate.

Clerical Roman soilders [1] on ship of fools,

Tried to float me their hersies at school.

I would have none of it.

Their pictures of me,

Ever so miniature and undeveloped.

I had the depth of intelligence.

I had breadth of the Spirit.

I knew what I had experienced.

I would never let me down.

Will never carry your frown.

White little lies of a broken youth.

Betray me in my older years.

If I dug deep there'd be all those fears.

Puddle of tears at my feet.

Bruised, battered and emotionally hurt.

The Cuban [2] made me feel like dirt.

And in those moments,

I remind myself of my worth.

And her murders, happens within me

As it's still difficult to heal.

She ain't so real, she can't deal

With domestic poison flowing through her head.

I had the depth of intelligence.

I had breadth of the Spirit.

I knew what I had experienced.

I would never let me down.

Will never carry your frown.

Here I am all alone in bed.

Never had any luck,

In finding love instead.

So many regrets with every past fuck.

Despite my unwanted birth.

I'd refuse to change the way I feel,

Because her murders happens deep inside.

Making it difficult to heal or to hide.

I had the depth of intelligence.

I had breadth of the Spirit.

I knew what I had experienced.

I knew what I knew.

Didn't want to feel any more of the blues.

I would never let me down.

Will never carry your frown.

She ain't real;  she can't deal.

With someone else who can feel,

other than animals and children.

She's the one;

With domestic poisons flowing through her head.

And I'm the one filled with regret?

I had the depth of intelligence.

I had breadth of the Spirit.

I knew what I had experienced.

I knew what I knew.

Didn't want to feel any more of the blues.

I would never let me down.

Never will I carry your frown.

 

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NOTES:

 [1] refers to Roman Catholic priest at the author's high school.
[2] author's adopted mother was a Cuban-born Spaniard.

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