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Showing posts from April, 2021

Never Enough For Mother (1)

I was never enough for you. Could never say what you wanted to hear. Could never do what you wanted to see. Could never think how you wanted me to think. I was  never enough for you. Whatever happened to you In your youth? Where was the love you should have received back then. Your youth faded away. Put to work at a tender age. Life must have been a dream. After your nightmares were through. How did you survive? What was new? Did it make you wise? You came to America. The Hemingways, your host. Did you ever meet Ernest to boast? What else did you do than teach their kids Spanish? Did they see how tyrannish you can be? Or did your madness come from a hysterectomy? From that child you never got enough. But from me, a disappointment to you. I stood up for myself at every attempt. To beat me down. To mold me into your image I should be. I was  always too much for you. _____________ 1. i.e., Adopted Mother. _____________ Copyright ©️ 2021 HeardWords America.

Running All My Life (to get back to You)

You came to me, when I was in a whirl. Knowing I'd been a failure from the start. You came to me and touched my heart. In hopes, from this place, I would depart. You placed me in Your arms. Promising to do me no harm. Never gonna put me down. Your Mighty Breath tenderly surrounds my soul. We were to subdue and populate the earth. Instead man created the City of Absurdity and Mirth. Facing west,  in human civilization there's nothing left. By Adam we have learned to lie to ourselves. With every passing moment our egos we celebrate. With the dark ones we cooperate. I know You are the only One, Good Man. There is plenty of room with the Beloved Bridegroom. The home we build can never be on sand. The only Way is according to the Divine Plan. Still, over the years, it was You I failed to see. In her sin did my mother gave birth to me. All my life I've been running away from You. I've been running all my life. To get back to You. Honey, I will place You upon me. L

It's Already Too Late

You may be a cutie. You can be funny and silly. You might be a good cook. To some, you are a crook. Oh but what a waste you can be. Trippin' with Molly and Sister Mary Jane. There are times you can talk so strange. Those are the times you often see Not so straight. Some degree deranged. You give into the passion's bait. By the time you come to. It's already too late. When the air clears your head You have nothing of yourself, left. Mommy comes running behind you To pay your rent and any other financial debt. By the time you come through. It's already too late. Oh but what a waste you can be. Trippin' with Molly and Sister Mary Jane. There are times you can talk so strange. You give into the passion's bait. By the time you come to. It's already too late. Then you're on your feet for what? Then it's six months in the stocks Like a target you will be Every apple and tomato you will feel.. By the time you come to. It's already too late. O

A Noetic Rearrange

The end of another day. Time passed without having prayed. Oblivious is this world to it's own pain. It travels along the short and wide lane. Unaware of it's time, the future waits. The reality of today wakes. But the present never lasts. Oblivion is found in the past. False unities become universal. The norm is never known as contraversal. This is the far side that has become accepted. Truth has been suspended. Reality taken for mythology. Mythology is now reality. Another diagnostic category Is now deemed normal in psychology. Only in Orthodoxy is the queer not shamed They just need to exist in abstinence. Just a noetic rearrange. For everybody. To Be; alikened to The little child. ______ Copyright ©️ 2021 HeardWords America

A New Humanity.

Seen the world, Through the eyes of an abuser. There was nothing there to amuse her. It was a fright. Mad Men lurking. Bad Men jerking. Lay in wait to take down Those who refuse to see their crown. Those who refuse to follow their rules. There are so many schools. But none to teach how to deal. With this life in this world. They not only will take young and old. Your soul they're sure to steal. And everyone is cold. No one knows how to feel. Lovers are in search of what they lack. Parents want their money back. It was a fright. Everyday and every night. Mad Men are lurking. Bad Men are hurling. Make one wrong move, then it's over. They'll promote the ones they can move over. Or they'll direct you without telling you. Give up that promotion, give it to a minority Without any senority. It's the right thing to do. That's how I've gotten screwed. Everybody who's somebody is rude. Everybody who's somebody is rude. If you don't agree with &


Hush!    by S. D. Kilmer Why are topics of Importance always swept under the rug? Always "hush! hush!" Like the runaway child, the Uncle philanderer, The Father abuser and the Sister addict, the Mother sterile. Then there's the Adoptee. A conversation that is rarely free. Lift up any rug in the family house. The maid and her trail left behind. There you will find, at least, one of these kind. Hush! Code for family secrets. ________ Copyright ©️ 2021 HeardWords America. 

Seeking a Destiny

My mother told me I will die; Well, she really said, I will " amount to nothing ". It might as well be nothingness. I am still alive. But she would have me, Not exist. Just not on her list. Existence are the choices we make. That make us genuine, authentic and shining forth. One can have life without existence. It would be a poor life of everydayness. I suppose that's what she wanted for me. Her adopted son. Her chosen one. Having had my past exploded, Of her own baggage she unloaded. Had to duck my head, Put arms up for protect, Ran for my life instead, Seeking someone else's affection. In my very choosing. I was loosing. Blossoming into a Me that I could not Be. The decisions made were unraveling. In my very choosing I was loosing This fight. At this game I've been, Forced to play. Again and again Having been thrown. On my first birth day known. The heart moaned Of the ache from the attacks Upon the way home. How does an Adoptee, Seeking a destiny, F

Within You & Without You

So many people. Searching for a paradise. Or at least maybe there'll be a sequel. Never satisfied with their slice of life. They're searching this world. Never finding their utopia. Into this life it'll never be hurled. The kingdom flows though no one knows. Yet it's at once within you and without you. It's not in the skies of blue. It's not in the seas of green. They don't know what they see. They don't realize where they've been. They don't understand that The kingdom flows though no one knows. Yet it's at once within you and without you. When you realize yourself. then you'll know no one else. They're there with you. And you'll know just how far You've come to being a child of God. And you'll know that, The kingdom flows though no one knows. It's at once within you and without you. All that's hidden will be seen. There's no secrets that won't be revealed. Why then lie to yourself, it won'

Never Will I Carry Your Frown

The Black woman upstairs. She lives like no one else is there. But tell her you live below, She looses control And finds her Self an attitude, Never living in a sane allitude. White boy explodes in the Oklahoma  blues. Feeling he'd been betrayed. He was a disordered mcveigh. Spread his explosive hatred in a few tubes. Most days I feel far removed. Can't think of anyone who will soothe Me of these feelings, being Who I say I am, today. I had the depth of intelligence. I had breadth of the Spirit. I knew what I had experienced. I would never let me down. Will never carry your frown. My school mates treated me, With indifference or hate. But it's time they got real. To the image they had, I don't relate. Clerical Roman soilders [1] on ship of fools, Tried to float me their hersies at school. I would have none of it. Their pictures of me, Ever so miniature and undeveloped. I had the depth of intelligence. I had breadth of the Spirit. I knew what I had experien

An Unfinished Song

.   (dedicated to my adopted mother) Its been more than half century. I still can not see, How you were of any benefit to me. With your lies and enviousness. With your hate and conceit. Perhaps thats the reason, I became a cooperative. Always disliking to compete. You wrote me in your broken tongue. Your throat ceased; not another word rung. Your self-centeredness led to my own insignificance. I was left as an unfinished song, That I've been trying to complete. But your long subtle influence has remained On, what seems, an unending feedback loop. _____________ Copyright ©️ 2021 HeardWords America

Lookest Not Back

Lookest not back It's the test of time. Or of Love? Tasteth not the fruit of For thou shalt be torn in two. by duality. Turn not thy sight back Or thou shalt becometh salt. Preserving thou there in thy own past. Turn not thy sight from wherest thou cometh. Wherest thou art going is much richer Than the poverty thou hast left behind. Transfiguration Does not happen in thy past. It occurs only in thou who art present. ____________ Copyright ©️ 2021 HeardWords America


.         (dedicated to Alen Ginsberg) It's been sixty five years. And still you wage the human war. Now you have become more stealth. Entering a sovereign nation you sear. All for the money and influence? You're a bore. What have you done with all that wealth? What have you done to calm the fears. From the Pacific to the Atlantic shore. What of your poor and their health? So many promises, candidates endear. Once in power you become corporate whore. Stop pretending you're a Christian. You're something else. _____________ Copyright ©️ 2021 HeardWords America

Interior Vigilance

Clear out your inner pestilence. Embrass your insignificance. Only by dying to self. Will we be given any magnificence. We require purification. Soul and body is marked, With defication scars. Interior Vigilance. This is facing the Kingdom within, not far. Fasting, alms and prayers The boat, the oars and the sail. If you dare! Unceasingly sailing; if you truly care. Never looking back. Or you might become a sack of salt. With no significant progress; it's your own fault. Interior Vigilance. Without it we shall never reach Luminance. For we shall be unworthy before Divine Providence. We all must be invested in our due Diligence. High is the spirit's valance. As we climb the mountain to Paradise. __________ Copyright ©️ 2021 HeardWords America

The Good Life is Not Here

You may look so sweet and clean. Appearances are not all what they seem. It's not what you have said, As much as what you've done. The power that you have is never in your head. It comes from the seat of the soul instead. That power is love from the depths of the heart. It's not that you're imperfect from the start. You keep missing the target all together. If your aim doesn't match the Lord's forever, Your end will send you to the furthest distance. An ontological change of heart and mind. There must be, to claim any degree of salvific existence. The good life is not here. It never was. This is the trial, the purifying fire, then the Final Examination. That is this life and its transition. _________ Copyright ©️ 2021 HeardWords America

Love Me (Do Not Judge Me)

It hurts me, that you believe, I don't care. How am I to be with you When my own fibro pain flairs? Isn't it plain? To see that I've got my problems  too. How am I suppose to care for you, When I cannot stand or move, When the muscles and bone betray me. When the pain is so bad I almost can't see you? I know so well, You are suffering like hell. I know your pain is often the same. But still very different than mine. Yes I know you might never feel fine. Yes in the long run you may be worse. I'm sure this wolf, you have surely cursed! You know I'm not as strong or as stubborn As you. No matter that you are a Cernegorska warrior. I'm still a worrier 'bout you. But if I am weak myself, How can I be there To help or speak? For you to continue on I must be a little more strong. Because I continue to care. Though I can do little to show how I've loved. Please, understand and do not judge. Might you'd care for some fudge? __________ Copyrig

Daily Tears

The Tired Priest",  a painting by the 19th century Russian artist Konstantin Savitskiy, Daily on the verge of tears am I. For what? For whom? For my many failures in this life.  Things I have done, the things I have failed to do. For my sons Nathaniel and Stefan.  No matter how Nathaniel has disowned me; he will always be my son. Stefan, my son, so influenced by the world so young, Through his Serbian-American relatives; I have been so inept to keep him on The Royal Path. Lo, there is so much more to confess. So much more than less. I should allow the tears to flow. Washing this grime from my soul. Purifying my heart. Cleansing the body to the start. I am sinner. With these daily tears of purification I just may be a winner. ____________ Copyright ©️ 2011 - 2021 HeardWords America. 

If I Fell

If I fell in love with you Where or how high could I have been? Was my landing, my end? Could this story be true. Could you and I Be true, to one another? Leaving out both our mothers! If I fell in love with you Would it mean I am at a loss? From on high I fell; at what cost? How close are we to hell? Is not genuine love A joining and an unfolding? Among equals or near as possible. That instead of falling We might be joining One another at equivalent levels. Falling we must have done Because we apparently failed to hear Fidelity's calling. ____________ Copyright ©️ 2021 HeardWords America. 

O Princes Give Up Your Thrones

I was never anyone’s Priestly whore. But I feel sorrow for those Who truly are. But I can bear no longer Hear the news anymore! Why so many? So often? All those years ago? All coming now in the light. Didn’t they see their names Written by Christ in the sand, All those many years ago? For their blindness what do they have to show? Except, human ruins. O Princes banish them all And yourselves step down from your thrones Before you can count under your feet anymore bones. O Peter, in any other name, give the Keys to the East And your occidental thrones may be occupied by more Worthy souls, O Constantinople, the doors, the doors! Close them on all those Betrayers of so many little souls So that we all can give rest, soon, healing comes to the least and the best. _______________ Copyright © 2008-2021 HeardWords America

Still Waiting for the Dawn

The curtain is drawn, for I may have seen the last dawn. Having passed, through the time walls, for nearly a half century. Perhaps it is the final moment? To stop fighting for my pathos; yielding to eros divina I might better join the bridesmaids waiting, in the speakable closet with the curtain drawn, for The New Dawn. ________________ COPYRIGHT © 2008 -- 2021 HeardWords America 

Play Ground

Small voices chatter, Universes fill the playground; Ten children, ten worlds __________ Copyright © 2010 - 2021 HeardWords America


The long restful night Cut short by wakefulness; Another tiresome day. ____________ Copyright © 2010  - 2021 HeardWords America

Stillness in Motion

Sorted in Stillness With One Mind, One Heart, One Life in Christ Jesus, We pray, weep, and repent For all!  _______________ Copyright ©️ 2015 -- 2021 HeardWords America

Sitting Within

Engine’s heat flowing. Cool breeze pour through the windows; My car like soma. _______________ Copyright ©️ 2010 - 2021 HeardWords America. 

A Sympathetic Orchestration of Love

"He that hath ears to hear, let him hear". In its liturgical life the Ecclesia conducts The Symphony of the Holy Fathers and the Choir of Saints They sing A Song so Sublime An Arrangement so Divine A Sympathetic Orchestration in Sacred Harmony with The vibrations of Creation and the Beloved, Holy Silence, Reverberates every word ever uttered by The Divine Logos and Carried aloft by the Melody of the Spirit Most Holy. In which the royal priesthood, a holy race, the people of God abides. The journey into the knowledge of God is a journey into Love Itself. But where Love is lacking: There is a very different sound. Sounds of discontent. Sounds of heresy. Noise of anguish and gnashing of selves. The Noise of contradiction abound. In that land it only be found Evil's self-same reflections of darkness and nothingness. But Vanishes as vapors in the midst Of the Paschal Light, On the stage of Salvation Where the Immaterial Light Is eternally present. _______________ C

Song of Trees

Man might hear Rustling of leaves When it is the Song of Trees In summer man takes shade beneath her umbrella In autumn his theft is hidden. Then man journeys upon her colored palette But she lays down her leaves as though she bleeds Yet a gift to the ground as the colors once were, found. Gifts from the Sun of Righteousness. Another season passed. The trees stand stark and bare An annual ascetic feat As their branchs plays the winds, a hymn The witness of mankind is heard in The Song of Trees. _________________ Copyright © 2012 - 2021 HeardWords America 

The Victory from Hell

The flaming sword guards the gate of Eden, No longer. A glorious extinction has come upon it. The Tree of Life, the wood of the Cross. The sting has lost its power, In death. The Saviour has come, Smashing the gates of hell. Offering to those in therein: Enter now Paradise again! ____________ Copyright ©️ 2021 HeardWords America

Artimis Diana

When I entered this life, You knew I would never have a true wife. It started with strangers, Who had raised me. I searched for love, Like my real mother before me. None was there, No one wanted to care. You came to fill my heart. Instead you corrupted my soul. Never had a fair start. In a world that's so cold. Oh Diana, leave me alone. In reality, all your paps are stone. The spirit that you are, a demonic god. Leave me now Oh Diana! ____________________ Copyright ©️ 2021 HeardWords America

Who Are You

Who are you? "I am me, me is he, he is me We are all the same ." Wrong! To know yourself First pour yourself out. Empty you from everything you call you. Into this self-same emptiness See, who you are. Who are the person's Encountered along the way? "Everyone is me I should Love them as it is I" Now, allow to be filled By the Ultimate Kenoic Being Christ Himself. Let Christ live in you Not you in you. ________________ Copyright ©️ 2021 HeardWords America.


Tomorrow Troubles will vanish away For now this sounds like a cliche Oh, I'm looking towards tomorrow. Surprisingly, I was called a chameleon Mama put a spell on me, How draconain! And tomorrow doesn't come so suddenly. Why I had to go Who really knows She said, something's wrong with you How I'm looking towards tomorrow Tomorrow Love can only get better. It seems I never met her Now I'm looking forwards to the weather How I'm looking towards tomorrow Why I had to go Who really knows She said, something's wrong with you How I'm looking towards tomorrow Tomorrow Love can only get better. It seems I never met her. Now I'm looking forward to the weather How I'm looking towards tomorrow Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm, hmm-hmm _________________ Copyright ©️ 2021 HeardWords America

Revisiting Eddie

Your room painted black What were you hiding Behind your back Not even I could see. You had loved me Like no other had I thought I could love as well It all turned out ever so sad I am sure for you it was hell. I still remember us in bed An encounter I had never after Were I to have except with a woman instead I know you were deeply hurt as her Or was she me? And you he? Later you had taken up with Joanna Did you ever marry her? I often wondered about Xenia That Italo-Russian girl. So feral You introduced to me. Now I stay up nights, after removing my make-up, Alone. Thinking how you might have fared, my dear. Are you too, alone, contemplating our sin? Having misnavigated you is my fear. I remember your smooth adolescent skin. Where our souls should have never been. We were hated by those who raised us At the time we had only each other. Those years should never have made us. Yet I wonder, Is your room still in black? _____________ Copyright ©️ 2020 HeardWords America

Pathos Thinking

I thought it So I bought it Then i fell out and there you were Gloating and laughing Enjoying my misfortune I thought it And I bought it Never seems to be enough Whatever it is i want it more With every pain and tears You are there with your snears I thought it Then I bought it Soft was her flesh Made my life a mess I desired her more and more But she wasn’t mine In my despair I saw you there Egging me on, coaxing more upon me. You make the claim, its all for my benefit You’re full of shit! I’ve got myself to blame Getting trapped in your game. Only you, with your every sardonic cachinnation, you howl  Congratulations ! Drowning in my own desires, The pleasures are my sufferings. Its all because your ideas, your little whispers. Convinced me to make it all real. You are always there —Lucifer, Lilith, or Maya — You’re all the same! From my soul a bit at a time you steal. So the soul burns with the passions of this world. Got to keep my heart in check. Letting these pathetic

My Apocalypse

They read it in the Bible. Before the Second Coming arrives The world will find its ending. Waiting for the future to appear. While so many others hide. Living out their lives for the other side. But we must live today, as though there’s no tomorrow. We must live in repentance, cleansing out all our sorrows. Never mind the mass exodus. Never mind those rapture seeking their high. The end of the world for me is nigh. It will surely be. When the heart has stopped beating. And the angel will start leading me. My Personal Apocalypse. When my life will eclipse. With repentance on my lips. My soul struggling to get a grip. No more time for a change of mind. When the ontological division finds, Soul to its Body says, Goodbye! Towards the Great Prince of Peace on High. The Angel of Light takes my soul to flight Way above hell and earth in soulships. It’s My Personal Apocalypse. __________ Copyright ©️ 2020 HeardWords America

Just Like Me

DMC sounds as though he’s happy. If not, his song be just sappy. I started this journey way before him. Even before my birth i was out on a limb. Mama was 16 when I rode along. Her daddy refused her to keep me; that was just wrong! No matter what she thought and said my mama was not strong. On that fateful day in July. The 11th day 1957. You can hear me cry. Like I knew what was to be my sentence. They kept me away. Never allowed to nourish from her paps. I had nothing to say. Even today I escape with a nap. Then came that day I was swept away. By a man and a bitch. With me they looked like a family They were theives, no one really knew which. There are photos of me. Staring at her, this stranger. Like, “Who on earth are you to me?” I never felt a maternal vibe. She was definitely of another tribe. I always tried to hide Never wanted to see The realities that kept me ‘to be’. So many years for a child to alone abide. When I could speak for myself. The instruments of abuse l

Stone Cold

Stone Cold Did you hear it I’m cold to you now You endeared me with all of your lies You burned me down with your acidifies Now I’ve abandoned you before you’ve abandoned me. Stone Cold, I’m stone cold. Did you hear it. I have gone stone cold to you. You have gone away for the last time. You can never stay for any sort of line. I’ve turn my back to your face. Go away now you’ve been longing for a new place. Stone Cold, I’m stone cold. Did you hear it. I have gone stone cold to you. You should never have come to me You should never have done all of what I see. We should never have had a son, what will he become? You fly about free as irresponsibility is your mold. Stone cold. I’m stone cold. Did you hear it. I have gone stone cold towards you. __________ Copyright ©️ 2020 HeardWords America

O My Sweet Sixteen!

(for Mandi) You’re sixteen ever so sweet.            You are everything I ever wanted to meet. Society is offended by this kind of love. Being real while Theirs is licentiously And their laws are hypocrisy. They must never have listened to their mothers. And no one wants to see. What’s in their own mouths. Even prosecutors, magistrates and judges. All sucking clits and dicks. O what a fix! O how illegit! They are persecuting real lovers That’s you and I While they’re leaving their husband or wives For another man and other lives How dare they judge! What we have is real. Rooted in our hearts. Where true love starts. 16/61 mirror images are we You and I will have to wait In two years, then we will still find hate From all those others there’s no appeal At least no one can then touch us We will commit to one another and seal The love we share Let all the hypocrites to their lusts They’ll all self-destruct! I don’t care. That’s their stuff. A God-fearing home you and I shall c

After These TimeWalls Have Fallen

TimeWalls I had built So my life would never be spilt Into another life of mine Separate one from the other, each could never find. First twenty years felt so slow. Much I had suppressed, never to let go. The next twenty years I was living in my sleep. Hearts and minds I was stealing; none did I keep. The third twenty years, the days have slowed. A little bit enlightened with more pain showed. Still there were people around and I remained; alone, never really sure what I’ve gained. No great career, no great achievements. No great contributions, no congratulations. The only riches I have acquired is in self-knowledge. Could never be found in any college, this Wisdom of knowing who I am, who I’m not . In such wisdom of self-knowing. The soul begins to understand Divine Showing. In me is He He in me is authenticity The only response I have callin’ Is my soul growin’ After these TimeWalls have Fallen. Copyright ©️ 2020 HeardWords America

Life of the Adoptee

Isolated, abandoned, ethnically bewildered, familially and culturally deprived. The life of the adoptee. Trapped inside, this crackerbox loony hive, Beat like meat by this Cuban émigré Never knowing where I belong Never sure where I can stay Never knowing from where I came With this song all of my secrets betrayed So afraid of the crowd I didn’t know where I could go The silence in my mind ever so loud The life of the adoptee Identity in “crisis mode” for 5 decades Living was a cascade Had no attachment to you, I’m afraid No one who loved me could I see No one I loved really loved me The life of the adoptee Is a life of emptiness and desperation More questions than answers one can see. The journey to discover oneself takes a lifetime. We’ve got no time to spare. We’ve got no one who cares. So, we make our own space with what we can find. More sorrow with each step towards tomorrow. Reunions are places we not all should be. Such is the life of the adoptee. _________ Copyrigh

Play Me

Photo credit: from Masturbation Addiction .com Play me, O yea and play with me. When you are not around, The birds don’t make a sound. Alone here with myself. You are not here, I can’t delve You took with you your yoni. What can I do with this pepperoni? So I play me, yes I play with me. My doctor warns me. My priest cried,  Son can’t you see ? All this playing with yourself you’ll find It will make you go blind. You will see only yourself. You will see no one else! So attached to yourself you’ll become. Its like cutting. while hiding away     from the sun. Consciousness will disperse. Past the line though, there’s no     reverse. There will cum a time you’ll weep,    O what’s the use? Then you’ll be lost from so much,    self-abuse. .. Copyright ©️ 2020 HeardWords America

Kill The AM

(dedicated to all self-                      centered  A dopted  M other) The boy was wrong all of his life. Authorities once said, Something not quite right, in his head. On the playground, they called him Queer. Still no one did he fear. He was a Weirdo to all, who knew him. A female friend, a bit older she had been, Always addressed him as Creep, Instead of Keith. The boy became a sheep, and a ram, inside deep. With love and compassion unceasing; You would think. His parent would be kind? You’d be surprised to know what you’d find. It was she who said (she said), You will never amount to much! (Never! Never!) The boy grew up He lived his life At a pace he took his time 10 years farther, behind He climbed Sisyphus’ hill Remembering what all’s been done. Knowing what’s been done to all adoptees. Calling for the killing of the AM. But they’re not all the same. Yours is no longer alive, She died in 1985. ____________ Copyright (c) 2020 HeardWords America


Turn up the lights Turn up the lights on us Illumine the shadow that lies between. Show you the truth that is your sceen. I still feel love for you. But my wounded body fails, To show you what kind of love it wants to give. But on your side of that shadow so many tales You have told yourself, to get met, your needs. Dead — long ago — was the seed That might have grown to know A wondrous love that could have been. Now all you send Is a false notion of affection; In order to keep me around. Enslaving me to your worldly needs. This isn’t sound love Its just your generosity. Its just getting someone else, doing for you what you need and want Done for you without giving back, authentically. Who have you ever loved? Could you ever have loved, without ever expecting love in return? Between true love and mere generosity You cannot discern. You are not alone among those who have never learned to give; never expecting anything in lieu Of True Love; left with your desire. You think by

Unfinished Business

Paint on canvas, not the first time. Looking back on my life, With a fondness of a kind. Too much blood, emotions cut like a knife. The hurt I’ve come to recognise. The love I’ve tended to despise. These are the words on my pages; Solitudes and distruptions of childhood. All seems like ages Ago, for all of these memories where is the good? In these silver years do I see Anymore clearer than I once Did, these things I have written? With acceptance and abhorrence Who in their clear mind Would have done these things? Isn’t it really just a sign Of the tightening of the pathos strings? I enjoyed it, reflections make me vomit. Memories are bathed in fear Did anyone know, wasn’t there a falling comet? There must be an explanation I don’t wish to own the past It must all be an aberration But it looks as though it’s going to last Let me look forward. For I must stop waiting for the past. To some how improve, O Lord. I can never change what in stone, ‘sbeen cast. Its just crazy to d

It is Given to you, what have you done with My Gift

The Divine has sown in you You have not nurtured the seed By your active passivity Now your Faith is shallow Within you there is nothing but weeds Nothing in your soul is of benefit You know not what your heart is for You walked in the Waters Restoring the Divine Image You have never seen You have not followed Him And here on your bed of death Becomes a bed of darkness You have lost the pearl of great price You have fallen short of achieving The Divine Likeness. Copyright ©️ 2020 HeardWords America

Sail Me Away

Sail me away Sail me away from here Sail me away Sail me away from her Those who cared had told me Be careful, she’ll say what you want to hear without ever believing it herself. She kept me around As long as I remained useful to her. Her deeds for me appeared friendly even sacrificial. The truth is it was her charity, even hypocritical. Sail me away Sail me away from here Sail me away Sail me away from her I loved her deeply once I layed my heart open wide Like to no one else had I. Then she moved me to the side Behaving like a co-dependent with new discovered freedom Though she believed herself to be independent. In circles she moved until her world so dizzy and no man remained. She found herself alone But I was still there she only needed to reach out from her heart But her heart lies. Like she’s lied to me all these years. She’s failed me She’s failed me here She’s failed me She’s failed me everywhere. Sail me away. Copyright ©️ 2020 HeardWords America

Something for Something

Quid Pro Quo. You hide it well so that no one knows Now your evil distain for me shows From you its everything your eldest     knows. The two of you are more the same. Was all of yesterday your little game? You kept me around, all the others       you sent away. I see clearly your distain. Because we shared an offspring? You always know what to say, I fear. You know how and what to bring. Is that what I wanted to hear? Quid Pro Quo, O Dear! You hide it so well, no one knows. Men are kept as long as they are     useful You give to them when it suits you. It’s only show. Everything you do for others, its to you, beneficial. We would have gotten on, had I only     followed your colors. You never counted on my     disapproval. I know I’m not your lover. Quid Pro Quo, yesterday. You hid it well, no one could tell I can see your true way now. We had nothing, now we have less. Why are relationships with Balkan women such a mess? _____________ Copyright ©️ 2020 HeardWords America

I Fell Asleep, Oh Boy!

One day I fell asleep. Oh Boy! They buried my body down deep. My soul encountered Another spirit of akind Unlike mine, he was my guardian For all those years. Where has he been Why am I, not a seer? At each step we ascended. Tolls I had to pass through. A test? A challenge? My every correct response were currency. The truer my Truth the more valuable were my currency; that permitted me to move upward further as I could go. These toll-masters; Sickeningly ugly and troll like spirits. They all stared at me as if I would be guilty of some disaster. As we made our ascent, I heard the angelic call. I was being cheered upward, onward. While all sorts of black & winged figures nipped at my “heels”. In hopes I might fall. Into what might I have fallen? Below, a vision Of nothingness. The abscence of color & Light. Still it was very dark & bright. As I looked down, I feared. And so I looked up; I teared. Splendid & Blissful, There shone: Light of Glory. The Glory of

Oh Don’t ADD No More!

This flat is such a mess. These muscles are hurting me, I’d rather just sleep. Dishes are in the sink, Laundry is mountainous; Don’t know where’s the cat? There goes another night, I haven’t closed my eyes. Just another day in my life, the chaos stays. Its not that I don’t want to do anything. Its just that I’m overwhelmed by the task. When it comes down to it I’d rather just sit here and write this poem, and then another. About my dearest friend and lover. Where might I find her? Wonder if shes ginger or blonde Oh yes, you are correct! I haven’t met her yet! Don’t even know her name. Better she’s in my mind than in my eyes Just look around me, she’ll think I’m so lame. I don’t want to lie, but I’d rather just sleep. Oh don’t ADD any more on that plate. Oh wait I’ve got to wash those dishes anyway. Now I forgot what else I wanted to say. I’ve had people in here to clean. One way or another I had to pay. Just don’t ADD any more, Or you can go through that door. Where ya goin

No Plenty of Fish

They all come to see It seems that they don’t, read What do they all want, me to be? Looking and coming (or that in reverse?) Leaving no thanks, no likes. They all come to see Why did I have a profile complete? What do they all want, of me? What are they looking for? Nothing more than laughing in the outdoors They want him to be financially secure. Do they really want to be pampered or Really don’t want to pamper? I am not here to give what I have not I have not most of the things most desire. I can only give of my Self. That’s my love, my life. To the fullest of my mortal strength. The human spiritual companionship that most genuine hearts Themselves are looking for. Where are the women? Where is the one with a heart At the center of her soul (not in the flesh.)? What is best, She doesn’t want more than her heart needs She doesn’t need more than her heart wants. Am I any different or Too many are looking for the world of her dreams? Such a grand illusion starving the heart

I am Not Sick, However

     Photo credit: Getty I am sick Ever so sick This COVID virus I am so virtually sick I can’t hear it anymore I could never see it I could never touch it While it touched millions I cant smell the hell It has put us through My test results were Negative. But upon the world COVID has not been positive. . . ....... Copyright (c) 2020 HeardWords America

Better Than Yourselves

Lives Matter Except Black? Lives Matter But not the Blue? One openly kills Another openly hates No lives can you take Its not yours; its not theirs. Life is a gift equally given to all We will have to account for our stewardship Lives Matter So love your neighbor Better than you love yourselves. …. ©️ 2020 HeardWords America

No One’s Son

Papa worked way too much Mama was there always in the boy’s face I think his Papa tried to stay away He realized she was out to lunch. As a child this boy had no place To be himself, far from Mama’s fray She walked a line with so much trouble in her day. A reality on to which she couldn’t clutch. So in his Daddy’s absence, towards him her emotions were touched. She thought she loved this child but from her own heart it was all just hearsay. How does a child live, where there’s no love to give? How does a boy learn about women, when his mother is keepin’ him… In a box of her own pain, that turns out to be his own shame? And whenever he tried to breakout, she’d fight, hit, belittle him and shout. Then one day he learned the truth, he was a commodity in the adoption sooth Daddy always denied him as his Mama was never around. He left his seed as something fun She was 17; her father said,  “Get rid of it! You’re done.” So when he was born he didn’t exist, in the final analysis B