S. D. Kilmer's Existential Life

There are houses on Washington Square. But only one, in particular, do I care. It stands out from the others. With its foundation of large stones Oh and wide sized shutters. This house on Washington Square, there, The lawn is richly green and thick. The house must be made of wood and brick. With its forest green body framed by a burgundy trim. I see Ivy lives there. You might say, she lives on Washington Square. As she dares     to climb the front and left side      of the house. From the main to the upper floor. She embraces these sides and almost     the doors. It appears as a mansion A small mansion, at that. With two levels then its basement. At the front door, a welcome mat. Strangest thing about this house. It appears no one lives there anymore. Matching drapes drawn to date. From ceiling to floor. Someone had abandoned this place It's official. It's on the block. "For Sale", states the sign. Pitched into the ground; Found broken laying on the grass.

I got up this morning. Or was it the afternoon? Energy was high, I felt like soaring. After a couple hours, yes it was that soon. My energy was spent, So tired, I began to swoon. I got wolves at my back door. I got you standing in front of me. Telling me how I should be. And all the while fog fills the room. I knew you wouldn't understand. I knew I was doomed. Whenever the fibro fog rolls in. Every agenda, like every list and every thought, is gone in the mist. I've fought To recall what I'd lost. The more I tried the more I realized the cost. Baby I've got fibro fog. The world is looking so hazy. And you think I'm just lazy. I feel like sleeping like a log. Has the world all gone crazy? If its not dwelling in my own cloud. Then it's pain and swelling. Please give me a heated shroud. Make it all go away. That just something we say, Because we know it's with us everyday. ________________ © 2022 S.D. Kilmer, llc, all rights reserved.

.   Photo: public domain So desperate to be noticed. So not willing to be seen. With the traffic streaming pass his door. He's been staring out this window for so long. He's been staring out Not through the window but Staring out from the depths within. With thoughts not his They swirl about his head as a dream. With thoughts not his He lets them pass As a leaf floats down stream. The boy, by the window. The window, in front of the boy. Without the window, the boy'd have nothing to do. Without the boy, useless would the window be. So desperate to be noticed. So not willing to be seen. For the boy, by the window. ____________ © 2022 S. D. Kilmer, llc, all rights reserved.

What is this life? Should I say, My love is here for you. It is Love that we all need. Without which we have nothing, you see. What is this life? We share the essence of this life. You, me, the flowers and the bees. We've been thrown here, given Life. It is a divine gift given to all in Creation. So what are we to do with this life? We are to exist. Not merely exist. We are to Live! Not merely live. The essence of our Being is full of potentiality. Out of this potential we are bound to make choices; Where to go and what to do, How and when to speak. Emerging from potential into actual Existence. So, we live and move and have our being! Thus, is our Existence! An emergence out of potentia is nothing Without Love. What is this life Without Love? It is a cold, sterile place. Where we live apart from one another. Our thoughts and actions Cold and sterile processing. Love is the essence of everything We must choose Love! For if I love, therefore I Am! Choose Love! __________

.    Photo : Bollards Geelong, Australia There were times You dressed in disguise, Winning no prize. Then you hid away In your own way; Seeking to be your own kind. And what did you find? Glasshouses and grey clouds Deflating your ego so proud. Protecting yourself from those rain clouds You've been hiding far too long. From the noise in your head. Hiding your heart away. Now get outta bed The time has come, For putting your heart out there. Deep in your soul Repairing the holes. Finds you up on a shelf. Measuring out time. Your deepest self to find, Hypostasis or persona? Or just another, with Corona? There were times You saw yourself As less than you really are. And how far Can you go? Before the real you will show? Of yourself what can you know? The time has come, For putting your heart out there. ________ © 2020 S. D. Kilmer, LLC, all rights reserved.

Atmosphere, tension. Could be reverberation. Better, peacefulness. ___________ © 2022 SDKilmer LLC, all rights reserved

Lupus and labor. She uses one to spite another. Both hold her captive. ___________ © 2022 SDKilmer LLC, all rights reserved.

Given to strengthen us. Let it be an agony Or, crown of courage. ___________ © 2022 SDKilmer LLC, all rights reserved

A useless person. As a horse in the house. Undependable. ___________ © 2022 SDKilmer llc, all rights reserved.

Light striking water droplets At 42 degree angles Before human eyes An illusion of colors Arches that are not truly present. If you are chasing rainbows You might as well be chasing The wind. ___________ © 2022 SDKilmer LLC, all rights reserved. ...

  Trees that bleed, cut at its roots. Children born of their mothers. Abandoned, Razed by Others. Is this normal? It's been social re-engineering! Adopted, never a adapted. Always wounded. ___________ ©2022 SDKilmer LLC, all rights reserved ...

The days over the years of my life, Like beaten skin sliced with a knife. The nights over the years of my life, Were nightmarish, haunting, and relentless. Do you really want to see The depths of my psyche? Do You REALLY WANT TO SEE!? Follow me down... © 2022 SDKilmer llc

My Elder Sophrony, This holy man once Told me to become Humility and courageous You must stand at the edge of hell Stare into the abyss. Then have a cup of tea. _________ ©2022 SDKilmer llc

Yes, I once wandered as a cloud. Wistful, streaming from east to west. Once did I hover a moment. Over some humans acting badly. There, upon these human animals I relaxed, and released whatever moisture I'd been holding. Yes, one might say I rained upon them. I'd rather express it a bit more indiscreetly. The thought made me smile. As they all ran to hide their heads. It was such a relief! I then moved on As the cloud that I was. __________ ©2022 SDKilmer LLC, all rights reserved ...

Sitting on a mound. Contemplating the truth we just found. Sitting on a chair, Thinking how life is so unfair. Laying in your bed, Chasing the madness from your head. . . Tears pour down your face, Desiring to find some other place. We've got to get out of our heads sometime.l Let your heart speak to your mind Clean off the nöus Rational thinking's been too loose. We've all been born In a universal life that's been torn. A world opened to darkness, melancholy,  nothingness. So forlorn! A life infected by corruption, decay and aimlessness. Where reason has usurped the nöetic. Where the body is far too energetic. We seek after pleasures of matter Like a crazy mad hatter. The answer is clear In the very thing the mind fears. The nöetic mind where Every spiritual thing there one may find. The rational has its place. In support of the heart of the nöetic race. That's the place to start. We are microcosm of both worlds, Of spirit, of matter. If we were to enga

Don't let me down. You made me promises. Are they promises you can't keep? What am I to do, you Leaving me standing here? No way to get to where I need to go. It's not dependence on you. It's reliance. I relied on my brother. Don't let, let me down, now. _____________ © 2022 SDKilmer LLC .....

Just wanna be like Him. He knows how to speak the Truth. He knows how to be the Truth. He is the Light to my journey. He is the Way my journey takes. He is the Life I breathe And keeps me on the move. Not so perfect as He. Nowhere near as He. It is plain to see. My imperfections are all over me. Like a lepercy In the way I move. In the words I use. In the way my eyes see the world. My conscious intentionality, ---The focus of my existence--- Wavers on and off of Him. From day to day. From moment to moment. Everytime its off, I sin. Everytime, I just can't win! Still I just wanna be like Him. Something about the way he moves my heart. My soul takes a leap. Knowing I'm one of His rational sheep. He'll not leave me stranded and open Even if I was the only one in the face   of wolves, snakes and dragons. O Master, have mercy on me and save me from myself. For I just wanna be like You! _______________ ©2022 SDKilmer LLC ....