S. D. Kilmer's Existential Life

O my heart's first love. O my Beloved, Return to me  hasten, do not tarry. My soul cannot breathe Without Thy Spirit. My heart will not survive Without Thy Son. My mind remains in confusion Without You, my Father. You are the One God My first Beloved Before I was caught in a glove. And unbeknownst to me I entered a world that does not see You! For Who You are to them Nor they who are to You. I can only hope My words are Yours. And in faith My heart is repentant  To satisfy Your Righteousness. Oh Be my Righteousness And receive me into Paradise. _____________ © 2022 S. D. Kilmer, llc All Rights Reserved.

What is this, "Final Judgement"? Who is the judge? And who will be judged? When will such a Judicious Event, as grand     as this one, would surely be? The Goldenmouth once said, 'God 's love for us exceeds the love     of a father, a mother, or anyone who loves. God loves even more than we love ourselves!' How does such a lovable God Deem to judge? Or how does the wrathful God In the Hebrew Scriptures Deem to judge justly? One may be too lenient. One may well be too despotic. Adam gained the ability of   Self-consciousness.       Self-knowledge.           Self-reflection. With only one bite of the apple. But when Adam was escorted outside     The walls of Eden Adam wept. Adam was remorseful. 3qAdam was aware of what he had done. But the children of Adam, Bound by their Ancestral Curse. Their Self-consciousness is far weaker, More like looking through a glass darkly. So who is the judge? And who will be judged? The acuity of Man's self-conscious

The divine battle of the Slavic gods. Volos of the Underworld. Perun the Supreme god of the Living World. Storms and lightning  And ensuing rain  Was the triumph of over Volos. This the re-establishment of world order. 0 Volos climbed up into the sphere of Perun. Disrupting the equilibrium of the world. A fierce battle ensured. Volos hailed down fire of his trickeries, with snakes, bears, wolves, (oh my!) upon the innocents of Perun. With thunder and logs of oak, Perun --the imagined chimeric dragon-- drove Volos back into his watery underworld place. Order was restored by Perun. Little to no assistance from the other gods who watched. Perun, as an eagle, perched atop of the tallest branch of the sacred tree,  from there he keeps watch over all. _________ Volos ~ Russia Perun ~ Ukraine © 2022 S. D. Kilmer .com All Rights Reserved.

They said, You are not the son of your Mother." Then they gave me to someone and said, "She will be 'as if' but never really will she be your Mother." This "mother" said to me, "you are useless, you will never amount to anything." When I grew up I became a husband. Imposter! Then I became a "Daddy". As much an impostor as was the second mother. Freed myself from all entanglements. I was Me. But I knew not who that was. I thought I loved God. I sought solitude. Or did I want to hide from this world? I became a monk. I thought I loved God. I was made a priest. I fell in love with a woman They said, "You are no longer a priest." Scales fell from my eyes. I stopped acting as a monk. After all so many years Some monastic practices remained, innate. I am a man. A man now. Once buried beneath skins of imposterness. A man who still must realize the potentia implanted in me all those many years ago. I am a Man, I Am. Ba

C'mon along with me Oh little lost boy Sit here, next to me. I'll listen to your story. C'mon along with me Little lost boy Sit next to me I'll take you where you're going. I'll take you home. I happen to be going that way. Hold tight, there's nothing to fright. I'll be with you all along this, your, journey. Why? Because this is my journey too. Oh little lost boy. I am you, all grown up. See, you didn't do so bad. But yes, you'll end, I mean I'll end this story of ours all alone. Oh little lost boy. Wish I could say Something that'll make a difference In our life. Damn, I can't think of anything. Suppose you need to seek wisdom from Outside yourself. Take it in, discern it then. Use it if you know how and when. Oh little lost boy. Let me give you/give me a hung. We both know I, we need it. The angels heralding as they approach. Well kid, here's our ride to the conclusion of our journey. Oh little lost child, Won&#

You and I. We've been together now. You've never made me cry. I never will say to you, ćao. So enough time has past. Seems to me our love will last. So why don't you: Marry me, take care of me, Marry me, take care of me, Marry me, marry me. But, Just don't, Party me, bulgari me, harry me, wary me, scary me, Jerry me, shatter me, Do not bury me! Don't you be contrary, cautionary, commentary, adversary, canterbury, exclusionary, You can aerie me, care for me, cherry me, carry me, O please merry me! ___________ © 2022 S. D. Kilmer, llc All Rights Reserved.

art: Whore of Babylon by William Blake   The streets were vacant. Except for the occasional passers-by, Like gliders in flight. Rushing from here to there. Down one ally way A body seen curled in on itself in the corner,  where two buildings meet. Limbs pulled up against the chest. Arms locking the legs in deep. When we approached, We see, it is a man. As he looks up at us, His face stretched as his eyebrows raised upward into the forehead. His eyes circular as in being open widely. Mouth open like an infant feeding But his jaw hung down as though those Muscles lost its strength. His body shook with the tremmers of angst. Angst of War. He kept babbling to himself, The Whore of Babylon, The Whore of Babylon, The Whore is at War. The Whore is here. __________ © 2022 S. D. Kilmer, LLC all rights reserved.

Looking into your eyes, Tells me that Your love is there for me. As I go inside, there is so much to see. Divine Love shining all around here, and Everywhere, by Your grace we are to become as gods. Floating down the clouds of time,  on the river of life, resurrect with me. Divine Love shining all around here From high on Tabor. Makes no difference where you're at nor where you've been before. The less I am, the more I know. What I do is my love for You. My love shines and returns to You. You made everything for us. To care for and reproduce. But all that we have taken, we abuse. Looking into your eyes, Tells me that Your love is there for me. Forgive us all, for Your Love's sake. _________ © 2022 S. D. Kilmer LLC, all rights reserved.

     Photo © 2022 New York Times. _ Boys falling from the sky. Dictated by leaders who lie. Cousins and brothers fighting one another. Lovers left behind for some others. Fallen Giant raises his head. Sees the fallen Fatherland, instead. Failing to see his people's immediate needs He'd rather make those in the boarderland bleed. With lost humility, (would have been their saving grace) Rus is unable to see. (Planning its own grave on a foreign place) Beyond it's past ambitions. Sees more than cooperative coalitions. Sees only it's former glory. While blind to his own past gory History. Will witness the Gaint Bear's faciticity Of human fallenness. Boys should not be falling out of sky. ____________ © 2022 S. D. Kilmer, llc All Rights Reserved. . .

I know I'm not the best for you. I know I've not been at my best for you. We both have our issues. No need for tissues. We've grown away from our respective pasts. Maybe I'm not as strong as you. Or maybe I'm not as determined as you  You've moved on farther than I In the shorter time you had to that of mine. I know I'm not the best for you. I know I've not been at my best for you. But I'm one of the best among the few you knew In your life.  And in your life I've been here, Next to you the longest. I might not have had the physical strength To express the depths of my love. Since we know love by what it does for the beloved. Life has weakened my body. But my heart is still deeply in love with you. Who else then can be the best for you? __________ © 2022 S. D. Kilmer, LLC  all rights reserved.