S. D. Kilmer's Existential Life

Don't leave it to my imagination, Talk to me. Let me in to your thoughts Don't keep me wondering what you're thinking. Poison creeps in to any human relationship. when there's too much silence. Silence is a killer between people. The soul's discontent. The heart's lament. Is too much silence. See! Too little communication leading to erroneous ideas Discontent in Being on the verge of a heartbreak. Talk to one another. Let them in to your thoughts. Don't keep them wondering what you're thinking. What you're feeling. Silence is poison. ___________ Copyright ©️ 2022 S. D. Kilmer, llc All Rights Reserved www SDKilmer com

My poem "I Made It Up" has been accepted for publication by Spillwords. To be published today 6/23/2022, here: https://spillwords.com/i-made-it-up/

There's never ever Too much love. In this man made world Too much love Is never a bad thing. Everyone sees that sourpuss you wear. Just feeling sorry for yourself. She didn't really love you. You could never have given Too much love. It's never a bad thing. So must watch for too much lack Of dicipline, too much self-ness, Never giving enough of Love. Never giving enough of our Selves. It's always a two way street Giving selfless love in abundance. But there's never Too much love. ______________ Copyright ©️ S. D. Kilmer, llc All Rights Reserved www SDKilmer com .....

Spent a ringlorn existence In hopes where everyday life would feel like a quest for glory, bond with a mythic ancient past. Much akin to your blessed life O Theotokos! You, the essence of fragrance. You, the Tenderness of the Divine Word. You, The Throne of Glory of the Son of God. You are the Jewel of the Flower. I must express my gratitude For such an aftersome life Astonished to realize the seemingly random, chaotic thrownness appears, As an ordered sequences bringing me to this day, While having passed through many trials, many tests, the many choices made to which might have changed everything; In a different direction. Much akin to your blessed life O Theotokos! You, the essence of fragrance. You, the Tenderness of the Divine Word. You, The Throne of Glory of the Son of God. You are the Jewel of the Flower. My salvation will be due To our universal Mother O Lady of the Gate of Dawn The Holy Theotokos O Jewel of the Flower. _______ Copyright ©️ 2022. S. D. Kilmer co

 Oh, there you are my brother.  it is only father and mother.  in one of their weekly     tsunami  of marital conflicts.  may I hide with you before   it breaks down this bathroom door?  I wish not to be overcome     by the energies   of our parent's memories.  aye! Am here too  to hide from their chide.  what could it be about?  oh how Mama can shout!  As we lay here  low beneath the waters  together  this storm we weather. _________ Copyright ©️ 2022 S. D. Kilmer, llc All Rights Reserved www SDKilmer com

A, B, C 1, 2, 3 Bang! Bang! "Shoot that whore!" Shut the door! Hide under your desks! The police will come  for us and the rest. Where are the police? A, B, C, 1, 2, 3 Oh look! There! There's my mommy! Bang, Bang! She has come to save me. ________ Copyright ©️ 2022 S. D. Kilmer, llc All Rights Reserved www SDKilmer com Poetry Prompt School Shooting from Absolutely Poetry group

So much regret From such an early age. As soon as I could speak up for myself, I knew love was leaving me. Not once a maternal rejection. Twice, the mothers let me go. Abandonment is what I know. Since you've gone You'd think I'd be strong. What did I understand back then? What do I understand nearing my end? But I knew I wouldn't have to hear you Your lies, and destructive words. When you died, the only comfort. But so many years later Your lies still echo from the past. Such uncertainty all through the years. I've got no one today too Hold me close, Don't ever let me go. Oh I know! When love was leaving. A child builds up the adults around. Only for him to be put down. Chased about the roundabout. By your ghost of envy and jealousy. Oh please no more   stop your shouts! Love has long ago left me. You're just an echo from the past. ___________ Copyright ©️ S. D. Kilmer, llc All Rights Reserved www SDKilmer com ___________

.      Getty photo You feared your friends would leave you there. Your angst that screamed from the depths of your emptiness Scared them all away. Laughing, screaming, tumbling down you can be such a drama queen When they're all around. You could never trust those boys Who said they loved you. When you final expressed your love to them They just couldn't trust what you say. Your life had been a circus since you were very young clown. You were made to play the fool. But you'd do it on the high wire Whirling, twirling, swirling, always blue. Somehow I believed my love Would strengthen you. Give you stability. Somehow I thought you believed it too. What did you think those pills would do? You miscalculated your flatmate's return. He didn't show. How could you go? How could you go? ____________ Copyright ©️ S. D. Kilmer, llc All Rights Reserved www SDKilmer com #lost love, #suicide, #borderline personality ______

   Angst is a place. It is a place that rises up To meet us. It meets us when we are busy. Busy within ourselves. Within ourselves laboring to create an identity. An identity that we unceasingly fail to create. Then we come to learn about ourselves At the meeting place, Where angst and being meet face to face. Identity is the paradox of how We see ourselves, of how The world sees ourselves as well. Not the world of absurdity created by human kind. But the world of nature But the world we find ourselves face to face. But the world interiority. But the world externality. But the world of otherworldliness. For we are nothing in solitude. For we are everything while in the face of Others. For we are not really, being in-itself. We are being-there. A forward movement of Self while in direct     confrontation with the world. We are already in the world When we go within to search for Self. When we go within to define ourSelves. Without the input of the world we face We are unable

Oh how I wanted to butter her up So I might devour her whole. Against all kinds of weather. Or not See her plastic grin She's wearing nothing but that smile. She awoke amidst morning glories. Cream, body butter, covers better than the sheets. Never sure if they were her lovers. The sun streaming in through the window. She rolled out of bed and  began window dressing while the Toms across the way began window shopping. She wanted to run a fever but the fever never broke a sweat. So together they walked. The record player playing alone in the corner. She broke a record for the most vinyl destroyed. She went to town To face the music. It wasn't her sound. It wasn't her town. She was up for some bruh burning. So? She broke the camel's back instead Trying to get it through a needle's eye. Thought she'd drive me to the edge. What more could happen? So I wrote this poem Then called it,  A Day. __________ Copyright ©️. 2022 S. D Kilmer, llc All Rights Reser